Questions for Reflection (9/16-18)

The Tarot, aside from being an effective divination tool, can also be the perfect way to meditate and reflect on your life at present. Questions for Reflection is now a part of this blog and reflects my answers to questions listed in Paul Quinn’s Tarot for Life.

 

THE EMPRESS:

Q: How and when do you nurture yourself?

I believe nurturing the soul and the self are very important. I nurture my soul every day or whenever I can. Considering I am a college student with a close-to-tight schedule, it can be hard to find time for myself in order to fulfill that important duty of self-nurture. I digress. I usually will listen to music or take a walk, sometimes into the woods to attune myself with nature and not just nurture my soul, but heal it.

Q: What was the most memorable act of caring ever shown to you?

I have a really good friend back in my hometown. She is literally one of my best friends and we have a trust like none other. It is reciprocated, and nothing ever leaves the conversations between us. That being said, she has been very caring toward me over the years. I was bullied in school, and this girl would stand up to those who tried to tear me down. I did have low self-esteem at one (long) period of my life due to bullying, and to me, that was a very caring thing for her to do and one of the greatest I’ve ever experienced.

Q: Who could benefit from your compassion, tenderness, and/or generosity?

I’m very careful with who I trust and confide in. I am difficult to get close to. That being said, I am extremely selective with who I am “tender” towards. However, I am generous toward most people, which is contradictory in a sense because that could make me a target for being taken advantage of. Unfortunately, this has happened. I have since learned to set limits—for example, being a practicing Witch, I get the occasional request to perform spells to bring an ex back or something along those lines. Yet I do not perform things like that for people I am not close to. At the same time, I’m more generous with my intuitive gifts and praying for someone’s recovery if they are sick or injured. That is because of a variety of reasons, the most important being that it is always good to help someone in need. That is where my compassion would come into play as well.

Q: What is the most extravagant gift you’ve ever gotten or given?

First, ask yourself the following questions: is this gift material? Is this a gift that most would call one from the powers that be? Or is it a non-material gift someone would give you, such as love or affection?

As for me, I am grateful for everything I have in my life. That being said, I cannot list the most extravagant gift I’ve ever received.

Q: What pleasures do you allow or deny yourself?

Like most people my age, I do feel like certain limitations prevent me from enjoying certain pleasures. I once read that the true limitations are ones set by yourself, so maybe that is my case. I tend to be cautious, and sometimes my avoidance of certain things can be traced back to what I was taught growing up. I have been taking psychology (my senior year of high school and during my first semester of college), and I’ve been really thinking about how my upbringing affects my ability to enjoy certain things in life. I will not list the particular pleasures I deny myself, due to your sake as the reader, but I’m sure you get the idea. I am confident, however, that in time, I will be slowly opening myself to those types of experiences (while being cautious, of course).

Q: What do you find beautiful?

I have seen how heinous this world can be, but since I am a strong believer in balance, I’ve also seen and experienced beautiful things as well. I find meaningful lyrics beautiful, as I do an overall nice song. I found beauty when I kissed someone I loved for the first time. I find beauty every time I go into the woods and attune myself with the natural vibrations of the trees, plants, and rocks around me. Even being nearsighted, I can make out what things are (when I don’t wear my glasses) due to COLOR—I’ve always found colors beautiful; that’s why I can never make up my mind when someone asks me my favorite color.

I always remember one thing, being a believer in balance—you can always find beauty in the ugly, as there can also be ugliness in beauty. Cliché? Yes, but it is also quite true.

 

THE LOVERS:

Q: How do you express your masculine and feminine sides?

I am a woman and identify as such through and through. I am aware, however, that all men and women have the animus and the anima, masculine and feminine parts to themselves that combine to create their outlook on the world. I express mine in everyday life, being a believer in balance. My masculine aspect would best be defined as outspoken, opinionated, rational (scientific to a degree), protective, and sharp-tongued. My feminine side, and probably my most predominant aspect, could be defined as spiritual, intuitive, nurturing (toward children and animals), graceful (I try to carry myself well), and sensual.

Q: What relationship brings out the best in you?

I’m currently single, so…I’m skipping this. I wouldn’t know how to answer this.

Q: When have you been surprised by your attraction to another?

I was pretty surprised at my attraction to someone else in two different situations. For instance, before my sophomore year of high school, I identified as straight. I made a friend who later become a love interest. In fact, she cheated on her own girlfriend with me because she felt it was justified—at the time, I felt the same because according to what she had told me, her girlfriend (now boyfriend, he is a trans-male) was verbally abusive and possessive. She also told me that I was the only one who truly made her happy (at the time). The day she told me she loved me, I had somehow realized I felt the same way. Though this “affair” was short-lived, it really surprised me how I was attracted to this girl.

Q: What lessons learned in your relationships have served your growth?

One of the biggest lessons in love I’ve ever learned is to never give more than your all if the other won’t do the same. I learned this lesson at the end of my senior year of high school, when I decided to give up going to prom just so my then-boyfriend would not have a jealous fit. We were long-distance for a while, and though I really loved him, he had problems of his own which I will not go into too much detail. My original plan for this ordeal was to have him fly here from where he was just to be my date and experience prom with me (he had not gone to his own a few years before, mind you). Even though money was an issue, he had zero self-motivation to get a job and pay for the trip. The cause of this is another story.

One afternoon, I told him I was not going to prom and why—he simply stated that he was honored. I still felt like I had given up way too much already. I made way too many sacrifices just so he could be satisfied and happy when we were together—that was my biggest mistake. Do I regret it? Truth is, I’ve had mixed feelings ever since. I don’t regret giving my all into that relationship, because it taught me such a valuable lesson that has helped me grow as a person.

Q: Where is cooperation most needed in your life?

Romantic partnerships is something in which cooperation is most needed in my life. Period. I do not play games, and I do not like when people lie or cheat. I have zero tolerance for that. The moment I find a partner has cheated on me, they are dead to me. No ifs, ands, or buts about it.

As for work, I have found that while positive interactions with coworkers and cooperation with the higher-ups is important to success, it isn't as personal as the above-mentioned topic. In the end, I am still getting a paycheck; the best reward for a job well done besides knowing I gave it my all.

Q: When have you expressed the shadow aspect of this card and acted jealously or possessively?

I used to be a very possessive individual; not just in love, but with friendships as well. I've let that part of myself go, but jealousy is something that will always stick with me. For example, I have had my fair share of jealous moments. For example, seeing a guy I like with another girl, having a good time even though they are just friends. It normally isn't in my nature to have hatred for someone who did me no wrong, but when I am jealous, I feel like resentment toward the person sinks in. I guess a little jealousy is normal, because to me, it's like you care about the person enough. It's when you become obsessive that it starts to eat your mind from the inside out. It poisons you. Love isn't supposed to be poisonous--it is supposed to nourish the souls of those involved. I could write a book about this topic, but I'll stop here.